Every holy week, i try as much as i can to reflect on how my life has been for the past year. This year is no different. and this morning, while i was trying to recall the things that happened to me recently, i felt like crying.
most people know i'm a sociable person, which may be why i've got tons of friends; yet only a handful of them i consider as TRUE friends. but recently, i feel as though i don't get appreciated anymore. don't get me wrong: Mars, labs kita, you're my constant chatmate; even if we don't go out as often as we want, i know you're still there for me.. my STUVs: my neighbors and busmates i grew up with, they've seen me at my worst, they've seen me cry over the smallest things. they know the REAL me; Irene, who never fails to ask me how i am, and to update me with what's going on with her life; my high school friends: though we don't see each other often, they respect me and love me the way i am.
pero bakit ganun? bakit may ibang akala mo friends kayo, pero ito aabutan mo sa kanila:
a) you ask her through IM how she's been, what's going on with her life, but all she says is she's okay, and she'll go offline in a few minutes (which happens pretty much almost all the time);
b) pag gusto nya lumabas, kahit ayaw mo, pipilitin ka nya. and being the good friend that i am, i'll agree, because i believe one of my purposes in life is to make others happy;
c) pag ako naman gusto ko lumabas, at ayaw niya, hindi ko na siya pinipilit.. kasi it's either she has some excuse why she can't go, or she doesn't bother replying to my text (which, by the way, medyo nakakabastos lang);
d) whenever i do something wrong, she doesn't talk to me. she writes me a letter explaining why she got upset, and expects me to apologize. which, of course, i do;
e) pero pag sya ang mali, she doesn't even make it a point to apologize. i'm not sure if she's even aware she's hurt my feelings. she even expects me that i forgive her, no apologies made, and everything's forgotten once she texts me (come to think of it, she's never apologized, no matter how bad she's hurt me)
i'm not referring to just one person here. pag may nasaktan, sorry. pero true. i know i can't expect people to stay the same; syempre pag napunta ka sa bagong environment, chances are, something will change with that person, too. pero ano ba naman ang isang text na sasabihin nyang, "sorry, di ako makakapunta.."?? it was my birthday, she promised she would drop by at home, since she lives nearby. i texted her the night of my birthday, telling her to eat dinner na lang at home. but did she ever reply?? then i see her online 2 days after, pero she doesn't even make an effort to apologize. then a few weeks later, she texts me and asks me to go with her somewhere. bakit ganun?? kapag ako nagkamali, kelangan ko mag-sorry, pero pag sya, wala lang, she acts like she didn't do anything wrong. bakit kailangan ako lagi mag-adjust sa kanya?
i know it's wrong to rant at this time, being Lenten Season and all. I'm sorry, but i just can't help myself. bakit may mga ganyang tao? can't they understand that i have feelings, too? don't they realize that the sole reason why i want to meet up with them is because i'm lonely?
i'm not sure how to end this entry. i know i'm not perfect; i'm just frustrated that i can't change my current situation.
most people know i'm a sociable person, which may be why i've got tons of friends; yet only a handful of them i consider as TRUE friends. but recently, i feel as though i don't get appreciated anymore. don't get me wrong: Mars, labs kita, you're my constant chatmate; even if we don't go out as often as we want, i know you're still there for me.. my STUVs: my neighbors and busmates i grew up with, they've seen me at my worst, they've seen me cry over the smallest things. they know the REAL me; Irene, who never fails to ask me how i am, and to update me with what's going on with her life; my high school friends: though we don't see each other often, they respect me and love me the way i am.
pero bakit ganun? bakit may ibang akala mo friends kayo, pero ito aabutan mo sa kanila:
a) you ask her through IM how she's been, what's going on with her life, but all she says is she's okay, and she'll go offline in a few minutes (which happens pretty much almost all the time);
b) pag gusto nya lumabas, kahit ayaw mo, pipilitin ka nya. and being the good friend that i am, i'll agree, because i believe one of my purposes in life is to make others happy;
c) pag ako naman gusto ko lumabas, at ayaw niya, hindi ko na siya pinipilit.. kasi it's either she has some excuse why she can't go, or she doesn't bother replying to my text (which, by the way, medyo nakakabastos lang);
d) whenever i do something wrong, she doesn't talk to me. she writes me a letter explaining why she got upset, and expects me to apologize. which, of course, i do;
e) pero pag sya ang mali, she doesn't even make it a point to apologize. i'm not sure if she's even aware she's hurt my feelings. she even expects me that i forgive her, no apologies made, and everything's forgotten once she texts me (come to think of it, she's never apologized, no matter how bad she's hurt me)
i'm not referring to just one person here. pag may nasaktan, sorry. pero true. i know i can't expect people to stay the same; syempre pag napunta ka sa bagong environment, chances are, something will change with that person, too. pero ano ba naman ang isang text na sasabihin nyang, "sorry, di ako makakapunta.."?? it was my birthday, she promised she would drop by at home, since she lives nearby. i texted her the night of my birthday, telling her to eat dinner na lang at home. but did she ever reply?? then i see her online 2 days after, pero she doesn't even make an effort to apologize. then a few weeks later, she texts me and asks me to go with her somewhere. bakit ganun?? kapag ako nagkamali, kelangan ko mag-sorry, pero pag sya, wala lang, she acts like she didn't do anything wrong. bakit kailangan ako lagi mag-adjust sa kanya?
i know it's wrong to rant at this time, being Lenten Season and all. I'm sorry, but i just can't help myself. bakit may mga ganyang tao? can't they understand that i have feelings, too? don't they realize that the sole reason why i want to meet up with them is because i'm lonely?
i'm not sure how to end this entry. i know i'm not perfect; i'm just frustrated that i can't change my current situation.
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