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i resigned from chinabank last february. meaning, for more than 5 months, i have no longer been connected with them. but i feel as if i still work for them part time. there's never a week that passes by without anybody from the company calling me, asking me for advice on regularization, contractuals..basta, basically, they're still not certain how to handle my work..

i know i should be over them. i know that i should have forgiven them for what they've done to me. i mean, come on, it's a little more than 5 months since i stopped working for them. it's really a pleasure to tell people that i am not working for that bank anymore. but it isn't easy to get over them, let me tell you that. just remembering what they've done to me still hurts. this morning when i was taking a shower, i recalled the time when one newly hired officer, and our senior assistant, who knew NOTHING about her and our work, talked to me about my evaluation. i was near tears, just remembering the way they talked to me, how they tried their best to explain their side, but failed. honestly, i'm still not over it. they had to discuss my evaluation with me twice, which was weird, because our conversation that friday and the following monday were the same; only to find out that my boss, who never liked me, was in her area, playing games in her PC. why did she not talk to me about my evaluation? why did she let others do her job? i still cry every time i time i remember February 1, 2006, lunchtime. my mom called me telling me what happened, and i just cried so hard i couldn't speak. my mom was just quiet, listening to me cry. i swear, just typing it makes me teary-eyed.. i am hurt that for 1 1/2 years, my boss didn't like me for no apparent reason. i am hurt for the fact that they let me stay for so long, but was always given a low rating; i was always told that i'm not performing well. i am hurt that they didn't even bother to help me with my work. i am hurt that they gave me a lot of responsibilities, but some of my colleagues were basically doing nothing. i am hurt that they told me i'm not concerned with the urgency of my job. i am hurt for the fact that my boss had the nerve to discuss her problems with me with all the HR officers during their monthly meeting. i am hurt that my boss told our loans officer that she had every right to get mad at me. shouldn't she be protecting me instead? i am hurt that my boss lacks professionalism, but she still gets praises from our VP. i am hurt that she told me frankly that i should go look for another job that is less pressuring for me. i am hurt that my boss practices favoritism at work. basically, yes, i am still hurt. it takes a long time to heal the pain i've been through.

i can't believe they had the nerve to fight with me, forcing me to leave my work. but up until now, they still call me, asking me how to do their work. i really don't mind answering their questions, because it just proves that i was able to master my job responsibilities. but it's still painful to recall how they treated me, yet they couldn't let me go..

i have to get this over with.. i have to.